10 Best Decisions I Made in College

10. Staying On Campus
There were so many moments, when we seriously considered moving off campus. My roommates and I even went to other apartment complexes and thoroughly examined the premises. At the end of the day, we would always decide that staying on campus was best. It was much more expensive, and not as luxurious. I was stuck on a twin-sized bed, sure. But staying on campus allowed me to stay so involved on campus and build closer ties with all my friends. In my years here, I spent many late nights at meetings, followed by hour-long conversations after the meetings, just catching up with friends. Walking around the quads in the middle of the night with friends, just talking under the stars, spontaneously going to the library for a late night study goof-off session, being able to go visit anyone at anytime. I found some of the best conversations and strongest bonds were forged in the latest hours of the night and were possible because I was right here, on campus.

9. Starting A Blog Freshman Year
This blog. Swift mentioned it when we first started it, but this blog was definitely one of our more brilliant ideas. And we've had a lot of brilliant ideas. As a senior who is about to graduate in 9, nay, EIGHT days, I'm so thankful that I have this blog. I think we've all been flipping back in time and reading our posts from Freshman Year. There's so much that happened, so much that slipped our minds, so much that we wouldn't have been able to appreciate, had we not been able to look back at it all these years later. We slacked a bit this past few years, but I've found that it doesn't really matter. Freshman year was one of the most momentous years of college and that fact that it's been frozen in time through this blog is incredible and enough.

8. Taking Lots Of Pictures
I've been known to take pictures obsessively and in retrospect, I'm so thankful that I was always there with a camera even if no one else thought to photograph the moment. I have pictures of so many little things--truffles we baked, that time we made a human chain as someone was being dragged across our apartment, or the way Swift used to give me amazing massages. A photograph speaks a thousand words, and evokes even more emotions. College has been some of the best years of my life, and capturing those moments and the memories that come with them has been one of the best decisions I've made.

7. Living On East Campus
I was so close to living on West Campus my Freshman Year and I am SO glad I chose East. West campus dorms had carpets, elevators, and were slightly bigger, yet there are so many reasons I found East Campus to be a better home. From its urban feel to the fraternities' live music that surrounded me on a summer day, from easy access to my classes to the craziness that came with living across the street from the football field on Game Day, living on East Campus played a significant role in shaping my college experience. But what really made it life changing, and the reason why it's listed as one of the 10 best decisions I made in college, was that living on East Campus forced me to meet new people and fall into a completely new group of friends that would ultimately define college for me. 

6. Settling For Arts And Cultural Committee Member
At the end of my 1st year of college, I was confident that my creativity and artistic talent was exactly what India Club need in an Arts and Cultural Co-Chair. I applied for the position with quite a bit of confidence, knowing there's not too many people better than me when it comes to event decoration. As you can imagine, I was shocked when I didn't get the position and was put instead on a committee. As a committee member, I wasn't even really on the board. It was a rejection that hit me hard, but I resigned myself to accept the position. It became one of the best decisions I made in college. I learned so much as a committee member about arts and decoration that I would have never learned otherwise. I learned that there was so much more to the position than creativity, that there was no way I would have been able to create some of the artistic masterpieces I created that year, if it had been just me in charge. I started off as an idea generator, and transformed into a thinker who could turn those ideas into reality. At the end of my second year, I applied for Arts and Cultural Chair again, and this time, I knew I was ready--this time, I got the position. Through this experience I learned that there's always more to learn and that rejection can be the key to transforming you into the best that you can be.

5. Interning Every Summer
I'm graduating in 8 days and I have a job. I don't just have a job--I have THE job I've been pining over for a year now. I have a job with a company I've been stalking for a year because I wanted that job so badly. I have a job that I never thought I'd be able to get. I owe it all to the fact that at 22, I have a damn impressive resume full of all kinds of internship experiences. I've worked at two startups, one medium sized corporation, and one HUGE, global corporation. My decision to intern every summer is something I'm so proud of because it gave me a break from school, allowed me to get comfortable in the corporate world, and offered me the opportunity to really test the waters and figure out what I didn't want to do. The fact that I earned an allowance for that was, of course, an added bonus. 

4. Not Drinking Until I Turned 21
College is about going crazy and partying hard and having a good time right? I did all those things, but until I turned 21, I did it all without alcohol. There was a part of me that really wanted my Dad to be able to make me my first drink. Dad always thought of himself as a bit of a bartender and I just thought that would be something special I could share with him. There were times in college I questioned myself and wondered why I was waiting, but I was able to remind myself that there really was no need...I would turn 21 eventually and I could wait until then. In retrospect, this was definitely one of the best decisions I've made in college. Senior year has been full of going out and living the 21+ lifestyle and it's been SO much fun, but I really REALLY enjoyed my first three years of college as well. I made different kinds of memories. Instead of spending an evening drinking, I spent an evening playing drunk Jenga completely sober, I spent days singing and dancing and making crazy videos, I spent hours getting dressed up only to do fashion shows in my apartment, and I spent years really getting to know my roommates. Every now then, I hear people say "I'm too sober for this," and I think to myself, I'm so glad I had three years of college that were AMAZING to reassure myself that I am fully capable of enjoying myself without alcohol hindering my system.

3. Taking Digital Marketing
I'm going to look back 50 years from now and be able to pinpoint this as the one class in college that changed my life. It was such an easy class, but man was it thought-provoking. The kinds of questions my teacher asked, the topics that we studied were so fascinating that taking this class convinced me of the field I wanted to go into after graduating. I was Pre-law before taking this class. After taking this class, I had a job at a digital marketing agency, which would eventually lead to my current job. This one class helped me discover that you really can enjoy what you do at work and that you shouldn't quit searching for something that really gets you excited and happy. Digital marketing helped me find my dream job as a (you guessed it!!) digital marketer. I work in Search Engine Marketing and I LOVE it. Definitely one of the BEST decisions I've made.

2. Joining A Panhellenic Sorority
Joining Alpha Phi ranks as the second best decision I've made in college and, as you've probably figured out by now, I've made some awesome decisions in college. I came into college knowing nothing about Greek Life but being curious about it. My friends discouraged me from going through recruitment and so the first year, I decided to sit it out. After spending one year on campus, I spontaneously signed up for recruitment the summer after my Freshman Year. I spent the summer researching sororities and trying to really figure out if this was something I wanted to do, but once I paid the recruitment deposit, it was set in stone. Best. Decision. Ever. (Apart from my number one of course...) Being in a sorority exposed me to a whole new life style and an entirely new culture. I learned to interact with many different kinds of personalities--learned to love them like sisters despite their differences. Through Alpha Phi, I became a leader, as I helped lead over a hundred girls on a daily basis. I learned to make tough decisions and I learned to speak up, even when it meant confronting a dear friend. Through Alpha Phi, I became a part of something so much bigger than this one sorority on campus. It's something I know I'll stay involved with and stay passionate about forever, and as Peter Pan once said, "Forever is an awfully long time." I wouldn't say it, unless I meant it, and if I'm going to stay involved forever, it must be pretty damn special. 

1. Sticking With My Roommates
Liquid, Heat, and Swift. These are my three elements. Without them, there is no college for me. They've been with me from the beginning, and now that it's coming to an end, they're still sitting all around me as I type this. It's warm, fuzzy feelings in my heart, and a slight dampness in my eyes. We've all been in a state of semi-depression for a few weeks now because it's hard to believe our little family is being forced to split up so soon. Despite the sadness that comes with becoming attached though, I feel so happy and blessed that I've stuck with these girls all four years of college--enough to make this the single best decision I've made in college. Living with 3 others girls is no walk in the park. There were moments when we thought we were going to split up, go our own ways. We had our disagreements and drove each other mad. We've pretty much all accepted that we get trash talked about us by the other 3, and we've become very blunt about everything. Confrontation happens regularly, and the dishes are almost always a sensitive topic. But God these girls are my laughter, my escape, my shield, my partners in crime, my future bridesmaids and the future aunts of my children. If there's one thing I did right in college, it's befriending these three.


In the famous words of James Blunt, "There must have been an angel with a smile on her face when she thought up that I should be with you."

##Dirt##

A large gaping hole.

I've been putting this post off for a very long time. It's not because I'm lazy (okay maybe just a little bit) but it's mostly because I don't know how to put how I feel into words. Sorry the writing in this post is so terrible. I always knew I'd be sad, but I never thought I would feel this empty hole that's been forming. I feel sick to my stomach and almost desperate. 

It feels as if someone is trying to pull something out of my hands- but I'm desperately trying to hold on even though a part of me knows I really do have to let it go eventually. 

Good bye was always hard come finals week- but there was always next year. I know I'll be able to keep in touch with the people I love the most, but what about the rest of my friends? 

There's a gaping hole forming in my life right now and I'm trying my hardest to keep it from expanding. 

This post is depressing as fuck, but it's exactly how I feel and there's no use in pretending things are a-okay. 

Things are not okay right now. I'm being torn apart from what I feel is the first real group of friends I've ever had. Shit's getting serious and my stupid brain forgot to remind me that I've gotten older and am not a freshman anymore. 

I don't know if we as human beings somehow console ourselves and settle and make ourselves feel better eventually or if things are just meant to be- but I hope things stay the way they are and I don't have to adjust.  

No, I hope the distance brings us even closer and my friends aren't just my 'college friends' but my best friends that will celebrate with me when I get my first job as a lawyer, get engaged, married, my first house warming, be my kid's godparents and walk with me through life until the day we die. 

I know it's a lot to wish for and a lot to hope for- but I remember coming in freshmen year thinking to myself that it would be nice to have a steady group of friends that loves me for my weirdness for once- and here I am four years later. 

I love you guys. 

-Liquid 

Ten Things I've Learned In College

Even though I still have a semester of college left, it still feels like the end of an era because my roommates are graduating.  Being a fifth year already feels less carefree than the first four years of college (and I'm not even there yet).  Which is why I've decided to beat my roommates (who actually have cause to be writing a post like this) to the punch and publish this now.

      1) Keep in touch with your parents.  I’m not going to tell you how often to call them or how often you should go home, but touch base.  Let them know you’re okay.  Ask how they’re doing.  Your relationship with your parents may become different, and even a little strained, after college, and you may need to put in extra effort.  Make sure you do.  It only gets harder once you enter the working world, and sometimes your parents need you more than you need them.  Make sure you’re there, especially for the people who cleaned your shit when you were potty training and put up with your nonsense in puberty.

      

2) Don’t underestimate the power of decorating your room.  I never put too much emphasis on it because I consider my parents’ house my actual home, so I basically saw my dorm room as an extension of the library with a bed.  As it turns out, that mindset is very depressing, and as soon as I made my room a little homier, I felt so much happier spending time in it and didn’t feel like I had been consigned to a mental asylum.   

3) The best decision is one that can be changed.  I went into college with astounding arrogance, thinking that I knew exactly what I wanted.  During my third year of college, I became a pre-med student.  I never thought I would voluntarily switch into a more difficult track, but all my interests lay in that realm.  Initially I freaked out a lot about becoming pre-med so late in my college career and fulfilling all of my requirements and keeping up with pre-med students who had been at the pinnacle of academic success since their freshman year of college.  But in spite of all of this, after I actually started working towards my goal, took the MCAT and started writing my personal statement, I found to my own surprise that maybe I’m more prepared for this endeavor than I thought I was.

      

4) The line between your friends and your family starts to blur a little bit after the first two years of college.  Sometimes you want to kill them because they don’t put their dishes in the sink.  Sometimes you harangue them to clean the bathroom until finally, they come back from their boyfriend’s place to find you in a cleaning frenzy and twitching like you’re tweaking off of methamphetamine.  Sometimes, when you’re in the shower singing your little heart out, they’ll conspire against you and turn the lights out when you’re in there, causing you to scream like a little girl.  Other times they’ll just walk in on you when you pee.  But they’re also the ones who will drag you out of your room when you’re depressed, give you chocolate and have impromptu sleepovers with you.  They’re the ones who will haul your drunk ass back to your apartment, inspect any guy who’s trying to dance with you, and go on late-night food runs with you because your menstrual cycles have synced up and you’re craving the same thing.  They’re the ones you take over the dance floor with at weddings and the ones you lean on at funerals, and they become such an integral part of your life that I don’t think you can shake them after college, even if you wanted to.
   

5) Everyone changes in college.  It’s okay to clean out your life and get rid of things that don’t fit, even if they were comfortable at one point, whether it’s that top you wore so often that it was starting to get holes in it or a relationship.  If something doesn’t make you happy, go back to what it was like when you were happy, and it will pay off in the long run, even if it hurts at the beginning.  As Outkast so eloquently puts it, “So why oh why are we so in denial when we know we’re not happy here?”

6) Study abroad if you get a chance.  I was so close to not doing it, but I’m so glad I took advantage of the opportunity.  Even if you don’t necessarily get to make friends with a lot of locals in the country you travel to, it still broadens your horizons and makes you appreciate what you have.  I had never traveled to a country where I didn’t speak the language, and it really fostered independence.  One of my most memorable days in Spain was going to the Formula One race by myself and struggling to buy souvenirs and communicating what I wanted to the salespeople.

7) It’s okay to be a Type A personality at times, but there are a lot of times when you just need to pull the stick out of your ass, roll with the punches and go with the flow.  It makes you happier, and if not for your sake, do it for the people you’re hanging out with.  It’s okay if things don’t go the way you expect them to.  So what if every hostel in Paris is booked except the one farthest away from the city, where the German girls turn on the TV and start screaming right when you’re about to go to sleep?  In retrospect, it made for good conversation, and we found so many cool places that most tourists in Paris can’t find.

    

8) Growth can never be achieved if you stick to the familiar.  Do things you wouldn’t normally do.  Take a class you normally wouldn’t get a chance to take (just don’t waste your HOPE hours like I did).  If you’re really interested in a class, audit it.  Get drunk and sneak into the football stadium (although the amount of personal growth this experience provides is dubious).  Join a dance team.  Go Greek.  Go on a date with someone you didn’t expect would be your type.  Apply to work abroad.  Take that research position even though you’re scared shitless and are afraid of fucking up.  Do karaoke.  Go salsa dancing.  Play video games with your friends even if you know you suck.  Don’t ever stop yourself because in your head, you can’t see yourself doing something.  I’ve found that our own potential to surprise ourselves is infinite.

      

9) Even after you get used to going out and drinking and partying with your friends (because of course you won’t be doing that until you’re 21!), never underestimate the power of doing something low-key with your friends that doesn’t involve alcohol.  Sitting in your pajamas devouring pie or playing Never Have I Ever on a 12-hour roadtrip when you’re all stuck in the same car is surprisingly illuminating, and you just can’t help but bond with your friends.

  

10) Don’t live your life for other people.  Even though you’re in college, sometimes it still feels like high school 2.0.  Never let someone else’s idea of popularity define your happiness with your social life.  If you don’t want to drink right away or if you don’t want to smoke, don’t let someone make you feel bad because of it.  If having a large circle of friends is important to you, even if you may not necessarily be very close to all of them, there’s nothing wrong with that either.  If you’re happy with a small group of friends, that’s your call.  It’s okay to say no to people.  If you have a friend who needs help who you just can’t devote time to right now, that’s fine.  Be selfish and help yourself first- you’ll never be able to help anyone else if you can’t even take care of yourself.

~*Heat*~

Ten things I hate about job/school/lab hunting

For the past month or so, I've been hunting for jobs/summer research programs so that I'll have something (else) to do this summer.  And yeah, I'm very new to the whole job-hunting game because most of my focus has been on research- Dirt and Liquid have had their shit together for two years and seem to know the process inside out (but I'm a biology major.  I don't actually have to INTERACT with people, come on.  Just kidding.  Sort of.)  I'm pretty sure Dirt already covered this topic around the same time last year, and I promise I'll write about something else very soon, but while I'm trying to dredge up life fodder for this blog and for my grandparents (who have gotten so used to me saying that there's nothing new going on that they don't even ask anymore), this has to be done.

1) "Where do you see yourself in five years?"  The answer to that question, for me, is actually not "I have no fucking idea."  I know exactly where I WANT to be, but why does that matter?  The fact of the matter is, no matter where I see myself, it will probably make it much, MUCH harder on me if you don't take me.

2) Professors who ask you to write your own recommendation letter when you ask them for an evaluation.  One of the hardest but most necessary skills to acquire is the ability to evaluate your strengths and weaknesses honestly and without bias.  It was so hard for me to figure out where to draw the line between self-deprecating modesty and shameless self-flattery.  I felt like anything I wrote ended up sounded like, "Heat is a goddess and the most fantastic biology student in the world.  Take her.  Now."  For anyone who watches Scrubs, I totally pulled a J.D and followed my parents around asking what they thought.  And sure, while my professor is nowhere near as inspirational or soul-crushing as Dr. Cox, I guess writing my own rec letter helped me evaluate myself honestly and will probably come in really handy when I'm writing my personal statement for med school.

Whatever.  I still chalk it up to him being lazy.

3) Students on pre-professional forums who sit there bitching about one tiny thing they don't have on their Old Testament of accomplishments ("I'm president of AMSA, I have three years of research experience, I got a 40 on my MCAT and I'm Vice President of Recruitment of blahblah Fraternity, but I have a 3.9 GPA.  What are my chances of getting into med school?"  Sound familiar?) 

4) Chalk it up to my neophyte job-searching status, but I am STILL slightly confused as to what business casual is (and how to make it look good.  I get sick of button-downs.)  

5) Hunting for acceptable shoes.  It may be due to the fact that I have mad stupid feet- they're short and wide- and because I have still not developed the skill of walking in heels (I can ride roller coasters and rock climb without a hiccup, but walking in heels still seems to give me vertigo).  It took me years to find black pumps that were reasonably priced, comfortable and looked good (and even longer to convince myself that comfortable heels actually do exist).

6) While we're on that subject, hunting for clothes that you can wear in lab and look good in without violating safety code, while actually being taken seriously.  Obviously I'm not saying that I want to cavort into lab wearing Daisy Dukes and stilettos or an outfit that's otherwise not practical for lab, but I mean clothes that aren't jeans or hoodies.  Don't get me wrong- it varies from lab to lab, and I would like to think that it changes after college, but especially in my previous lab, I felt like women were less likely to be taken seriously (in lab, not when we were presenting) if we'd actually taken some time to put on makeup and put on a shirt we didn't get at a free college event.  And I know for a fact that this mentality exists in other labs too.  I've said it before and I'll say it again- one of the most important things I've learned in college is that the mark of a hard worker is not necessarily droopy eyes and baggy clothes.  If anything, it's easier for people to take you seriously when they see that you actually take pride in the image you're presenting to the people you interact with.  

7) Talking to employers who set up a time for a phone interview, but then magically forget to call or reschedule or even tell you that you didn't get the job.  I had an experience like this with Kimberly-Clark.  Did they find someone better?  Did they decide to take a little field trip into the Bermuda Triangle?  I guess we'll never know...

8) The paradox of approachability.  I'm applying for a student employment program at the CDC, and I emailed the HR department (which they encouraged applicants to do if we had any questions) to find out what the time commitment for the job is.  They emailed me back with this:

"The Program is designed to attract students enrolled in a wide variety of educational institutions (high school, home-school programs, vocational and technical, undergraduate and graduate) with paid opportunities to work in agencies and explore Federal careers while still in school. This program exposes students to jobs in the Federal civil service by providing meaningful development work at the beginning of their career, before their careers paths are fully established."

Thank you for a) not actually answering my question and b) copy/pasting an answer directly from your website, which I already READ.  You're very competent.

9) Online application systems that ask the same questions over and over again.  Newsflash: "Expected graduation date" and "When are you expecting to receive your degree?" ask for the same damn piece of information.

10) Conflicting advice.  "Keep the research experience."  "Don't prioritize it."  "Put an objective statement on your resume so your employers know what you want."  "Actually don't do that, objective statements are always vague and unclear."  And in the end, all my research has reduced me to a trembling, nervy blob of confusion.  

But for real though, after all of this, if Genentech does end up hiring me, I will do this...

...and die.

~*Heat*~
 

Tuesdays Are Rough.

The title of this post is misleading. It's actually Monday night, not Tuesday. But with 3 hours left to go before today turns into tomorrow, I'm already starting to feel a little slump. Like I've got weight on my shoulders and it's dragging me down. This happened to me last week too. I was sitting at work last Tuesday feeling really upset all day. And I know why. I'm missing something. Something that usually keeps me going and brings a smile to my face regularly. Something I don't think I ever fully appreciated when it was right here, around me. I'm missing a part of me that's fun and goofy and carefree. I'm definitely missing something. Or should I say...someone. 

Fridays he's here. And everything in my world is right. Saturday and Sunday, I get by, because I'm at home and it's the weekend and my family keeps me busy. Mondays start to drag, because I'm busy, and I'm getting tired. And Tuesdays...Tuesdays are the worst. Because that's really when I start to feel an emptiness. Like I'm slaving away with no purpose. Because really, what's the point of all this work and all these meetings if I don't get to see him at the end of the day? 

Wednesdays are better, because I can sleep in a bit and eat lunch with my brother and cousin. That helps takes my mind off things. And of course Thursdays take forever, but I get by because I'm excited. I know he's coming soon and that's what keeps me going. 

And then the cycle starts again.

It's only the second week and I'm thinking to myself...Is this what the next two, maybe three years are going to be like? The rational part of my mind keeps telling me to snap out of it. You're a strong woman, Dirt, you'll weather through this. You'll get used to it for the time being and before you know it, everything will be back to normal. 

But there's a small emotional part of me too. And it's whispering in the back of my mind, "Home is where the heart is, Dirt. And if your heart isn't here, what are you still doing here? Does anything else really matter?"

##Dirt##

YAWP

Words cannot fully describe my feelings right now. 

The last few months for all of us have been tinged with a sense of urgency and change. We all have been scrambling to figure our lives out and it's so much more complicated then we ever thought. 

For me, after I graduated high school, I knew I was going to have my life together by the time I graduated college. I was always so sure that I would know the exact directions and paths I would take. Back  then, I looked at life like it's an instruction manual, do everything step by step and you will end up with a perfect product. What I didn't realize was that the instructions are all in Swedish and I'm definitely missing a few screws. 

Now, with only three short months until graduation, I am realizing the vast void that we are stepping into. We are now qualified, certified adults. How scary is that? 

In terms of real life plans, I feel like I'm starting this incredible journey. I was just selected to be the MC VP TM (translation the head of human resources on the national staff) of SOUTH AFRICA!!!! which is an amazing dream come true. I feel so much of my self confidence returning. I feel validated for all those times I put AIESEC in front of school work.I feel proud of my accomplishments because I know they meant something and they will continue to mean something on an international scale. 

I feel like a rock star to be honest, and it feels so. damn. good. 

But there's this voice in the back of my head that's saying "do you really want to let go of this life you've built up?" 

I guess I'm just very conflicted at the moment. I understand that we're at a crossroads, all four of us. Each of us facing different choices that will change our entire lives. And even though I have confidence in every single one of us, this "what if" feeling is a bit disconcerting. 

These next three months will be incredibly bittersweet. I'm leaving my school, my friends, my family (the line is really blurring between those two) my home, my country, my entire LIFE. But so is everyone else, in one form or another, mine is just a little less metaphorical. 

I guess, at the end of all of this rambling, what I'm trying to say is that I fully intend to take advantage of these next days we have together. Because I know that we're never getting them back. 



-Swift.Out. 

Time Stops for No One.

So decided to go back and read a lot of the old posts on this today. And then it hit me. I had just turned 19 when we started this thing. And now...I'm 22. Awk. When did I get so old? I know, I know. 22 is not old. And I'm gonna read this 10 years from now and feel even more awk. Because then I'll REALLY be old. But really, when I read a post about the summer after FRESHMAN year when me and my elements got together to have an adult-like lunch, and then I think about my life now, I just-- weird feelings. Can't explain it. 

So what's going on right now you ask?

We're at the last semester of our college career. It's crazy. We're all looking forward. We're excited, we're nervous, and we're getting there. Quick recap on what's been going on:

• My boyfriend GRADUATED in December and is WORKING for IBM. Kid's TRAVELLING on his own and being all independent and adult-like, earning MONEY and whatnot.
• Liquid got into LAW school. She's still waiting to hear back from a few places, but DAMN. She got into LAW school!
• Swift just got the big news today, she's going to be spending the next YEAR in SOUTH AFRICA (wrestling TIGERS!) ((jk)) Like a YEAR. In another COUNTRY. 
• Heat just gave her MCATs!
• And I'm applying to jobs in Digital Marketing! Going on Tours and stuff for a really big-girl's job. 
• We've suddenly turned into senioritis-struck slackers who party too late and then end up skipping class. 

On top of that, my parents are considering moving, and are taking into account things like me getting MARRIED in the near future. 

It's bizarre. Surreal. SO DAMN COOL. But at the same time it's like WTH when did this happen?!

It's incredible to go back and read all these posts, because it reminds me of how far we've come. Sure, I don't want college to end. But we've just been through so much, you know? It's time to move on.

I'm making it a goal to update more this semester. And this year really. We've come a long way and we're got to live it up as much as we can these last few months.

##Dirt##

I have no energy to come up with a title for this.

College is coming to an end (even though I still have one semester to go.  What can I say?  I love this place so much) and I feel like this:

I can only describe this last year as tumultuous.  It's been characterized by impulsive decisions which have opened doors and given me perspective that I wouldn't have gained otherwise.  I made the decision to study abroad during the week of the registration deadline.  I have no idea why I'm doing research in a mechanical engineering lab when I love engineering about as much as a fat kid likes dieting.  I signed up for my MCAT date purely on a whim.  And it would seem that whatever happens to me after college is following in this vein- for the first time, when I look into my future, I have no idea what's going to happen.  It's slightly terrifying.

It was different before college- I was obviously going somewhere.  Coming from a family where the idea of not earning your Master's is an inconceivable anathema, there was no question there.  But I have no idea if I'm going to get into med school or not.  If I don't, I don't think I actually know what I'm going to do after graduate school.  One of the principal ingredients of my life, as anybody who knows anything about me can attest to, is passion.  What if I can't find something I'm truly passionate about and gifted enough to succeed in, if the avenue of medical school is closed to me?  What if I'm not good enough to get into a medical school anywhere?   Honestly, if I had a boggart, it would look something like this:

I don't want to end up settling for something in life, or depending on the possibility that I'll learn to love my career or that I'll learn to be good at it.  Liquid and I were talking about it and she sees it as a crossroads, as an exciting time when life has the potential to go in whatever direction you want.  I'm trying not to see it this way, but I feel like this is the time when I can be made or broken, and all the elements defining the outcome aren't even in my control.

But the most important thing I've learned in my senior year is that this is why there is faith.  There's always been a method to the madness, and even though things that I didn't want to happen have happened, there's always been a reason for it.  Humans are resilient- life goes on and we get over things fast.  I guess all there is to do is trust that even if I do my best and I don't get what I want, I'm meant to do something else and that my life won't actually flush itself down the crapper.

Hooray for perspective!

~*Heat*~