YAWP

Words cannot fully describe my feelings right now. 

The last few months for all of us have been tinged with a sense of urgency and change. We all have been scrambling to figure our lives out and it's so much more complicated then we ever thought. 

For me, after I graduated high school, I knew I was going to have my life together by the time I graduated college. I was always so sure that I would know the exact directions and paths I would take. Back  then, I looked at life like it's an instruction manual, do everything step by step and you will end up with a perfect product. What I didn't realize was that the instructions are all in Swedish and I'm definitely missing a few screws. 

Now, with only three short months until graduation, I am realizing the vast void that we are stepping into. We are now qualified, certified adults. How scary is that? 

In terms of real life plans, I feel like I'm starting this incredible journey. I was just selected to be the MC VP TM (translation the head of human resources on the national staff) of SOUTH AFRICA!!!! which is an amazing dream come true. I feel so much of my self confidence returning. I feel validated for all those times I put AIESEC in front of school work.I feel proud of my accomplishments because I know they meant something and they will continue to mean something on an international scale. 

I feel like a rock star to be honest, and it feels so. damn. good. 

But there's this voice in the back of my head that's saying "do you really want to let go of this life you've built up?" 

I guess I'm just very conflicted at the moment. I understand that we're at a crossroads, all four of us. Each of us facing different choices that will change our entire lives. And even though I have confidence in every single one of us, this "what if" feeling is a bit disconcerting. 

These next three months will be incredibly bittersweet. I'm leaving my school, my friends, my family (the line is really blurring between those two) my home, my country, my entire LIFE. But so is everyone else, in one form or another, mine is just a little less metaphorical. 

I guess, at the end of all of this rambling, what I'm trying to say is that I fully intend to take advantage of these next days we have together. Because I know that we're never getting them back. 



-Swift.Out.