I am finished. I'm sick and tired of this place. And not even because of the work. I'm almost enjoying drowning myself in organic chemistry right now (obviously not enough to resist the temptation to take a break and blog instead), because it's distracting me from another pressing problem at hand.
I'm sick and tired of the people here. I'm tired of being with the same people all the fucking time and having them know me inside and out (or thinking they know me inside and out.) I'm sick and tired of angry outbursts. I'm sick of frustration. I'm tired of relationships with people literally changing overnight, and I don't want the emotional roller coaster that comes with this anymore.
What I want, more than anything, is just to be left alone. Lately things have just been simpler if I'm by myself. No frustration, no having to worry about anyone else's feelings, no feeling like I'm walking on eggshells around people, and more importantly, no feeling hurt about relationships that change. No being upset about not feeling as close to people anymore.
All I want right now is to take off on a solo trip and just go somewhere halfway around the world ALONE. With no strings attached, no having to worry or care about or even bother keeping in touch with anyone except my parents. I want to drink myself to drowning and get high and enjoy a few blissful hours of oblivion, with someone else taking care of me for a change. I want to be Imperiused and have my memory wiped clean. I want to be an island and detach myself and just not care about people. No having to worry about anything that's going on with anyone or people judging me or just feeling like some of my most important relationships just aren't the same anymore. I want to be someplace where freaking no one knows me. A blank slate with no limitations and no preconceived notions about what I'm like. No history which gives people a basis on which to judge me. I don't want to give a flying fuck about anyone except myself right now, because when you do bother to give a fuck about people and when you let them in, they will judge you and they will leave you, and it's just not worth letting your guard down. And the best part about being alone and keeping your expectations low? You don't have to give a fuck about anyone, no one's obligated to give a fuck about you, and in the end, it's just you and your own brains and your own feelings, and it's impossible to get hurt.
I'm sick and tired of the people here. I'm tired of being with the same people all the fucking time and having them know me inside and out (or thinking they know me inside and out.) I'm sick and tired of angry outbursts. I'm sick of frustration. I'm tired of relationships with people literally changing overnight, and I don't want the emotional roller coaster that comes with this anymore.
What I want, more than anything, is just to be left alone. Lately things have just been simpler if I'm by myself. No frustration, no having to worry about anyone else's feelings, no feeling like I'm walking on eggshells around people, and more importantly, no feeling hurt about relationships that change. No being upset about not feeling as close to people anymore.
All I want right now is to take off on a solo trip and just go somewhere halfway around the world ALONE. With no strings attached, no having to worry or care about or even bother keeping in touch with anyone except my parents. I want to drink myself to drowning and get high and enjoy a few blissful hours of oblivion, with someone else taking care of me for a change. I want to be Imperiused and have my memory wiped clean. I want to be an island and detach myself and just not care about people. No having to worry about anything that's going on with anyone or people judging me or just feeling like some of my most important relationships just aren't the same anymore. I want to be someplace where freaking no one knows me. A blank slate with no limitations and no preconceived notions about what I'm like. No history which gives people a basis on which to judge me. I don't want to give a flying fuck about anyone except myself right now, because when you do bother to give a fuck about people and when you let them in, they will judge you and they will leave you, and it's just not worth letting your guard down. And the best part about being alone and keeping your expectations low? You don't have to give a fuck about anyone, no one's obligated to give a fuck about you, and in the end, it's just you and your own brains and your own feelings, and it's impossible to get hurt.
