A large gaping hole.

I've been putting this post off for a very long time. It's not because I'm lazy (okay maybe just a little bit) but it's mostly because I don't know how to put how I feel into words. Sorry the writing in this post is so terrible. I always knew I'd be sad, but I never thought I would feel this empty hole that's been forming. I feel sick to my stomach and almost desperate. 

It feels as if someone is trying to pull something out of my hands- but I'm desperately trying to hold on even though a part of me knows I really do have to let it go eventually. 

Good bye was always hard come finals week- but there was always next year. I know I'll be able to keep in touch with the people I love the most, but what about the rest of my friends? 

There's a gaping hole forming in my life right now and I'm trying my hardest to keep it from expanding. 

This post is depressing as fuck, but it's exactly how I feel and there's no use in pretending things are a-okay. 

Things are not okay right now. I'm being torn apart from what I feel is the first real group of friends I've ever had. Shit's getting serious and my stupid brain forgot to remind me that I've gotten older and am not a freshman anymore. 

I don't know if we as human beings somehow console ourselves and settle and make ourselves feel better eventually or if things are just meant to be- but I hope things stay the way they are and I don't have to adjust.  

No, I hope the distance brings us even closer and my friends aren't just my 'college friends' but my best friends that will celebrate with me when I get my first job as a lawyer, get engaged, married, my first house warming, be my kid's godparents and walk with me through life until the day we die. 

I know it's a lot to wish for and a lot to hope for- but I remember coming in freshmen year thinking to myself that it would be nice to have a steady group of friends that loves me for my weirdness for once- and here I am four years later. 

I love you guys. 

-Liquid