Way to ruin the Andy Griffith song for me, Drake. I'll thank you later.

I'm somewhat confused.  Hip-hop and rap music is somehow simultaneously raunchy, seductive and tender and the same time.  I don't get it.  It makes you sort of afraid when someone says songs like that remind him of you, because you don't know exactly why you're on his mind.  Take Best I Ever Had, for example.  How does Drake go from "Sweatpants, hair tied, chillin' with no makeup on, that's when you're the prettiest" to "You be up on everything, other hoes ain't never on it" to "You don't even have to ask twice, you can have my heart or we can share it like the last slice"?  It's such an even mix of superficial horniness and love (if that's what it even is) that it leaves me a little befuddled.  It's a fairly blunt song, and it's direct and to the point.  No flowery language, no particularly beautiful lyrics, no Scarlet Letter references that make no sense.  What do you do at the end of a song like that?  Do you go, "Awwwwwwww" or do you feel somewhat violated?  What are you supposed to do, cut out the parts that don't apply to you and feel all cute and mushy at the rest?  After listening to the song four times in a row, I had to question it.  Why does this song appeal to me romantically?  I mean, as far as I could see, I couldn't tell whether Drake tries to equate sex with love or whether he's talking about an even mix of the two (although sometimes it sounds more like the former).  And consequently, if I were the girl he'd written the song for, I wouldn't know whether to be offended or flattered.


Example #2: My Chick Bad.  Ludacris wins the award for Most Completely Misogynistic Yet Strangely Flattering Lyrics.  The first time I heard that song, I wanted to punch Luda in the face.  The lyrics are crude ("Chick so bad the whole crew wanna bone her") and plain disgusting sometimes ("I fill her up, balloons!"), and pay attention, boyfriend: when we're alone, I'm not sliding down the pole like a certified stripper, and ESPECIALLY not if you tip me.  So why is this song romantically appealing to me?  There's nothing remotely sweet about it, and there's no affection either.  I mean, can it even be considered a romantic song?  Not really.  But after a while, I realized that the girl in the song might be a hoe, but she's also a baller.  And that when someone says this song reminds him of you, it's actually quite flattering.  I am a hell of a woman.  I might not be a hoe, but I'm street smart and I can take care of myself.  I can sure as hell knock a bitch out.  If you test me, guns will sure as hell get drawn like cartoons (in a metaphorical sense.  I don't have a weapons license.  Yet.)  And if you piss me off, you better believe I come out swinging like Tiger Woods' wife.  Even if she's not the most sweet, feminine and delicate girl ever seen, she's independent, tough and can give any guy a run for his money.  She's not the kind of girl you take lightly.  And even if she's a little extreme, at the end of the day, isn't that what you want him to think of you?


In a sense, I think the emotions expressed in the above songs are so much more real and believable than those contemporary anthems of romantics all over the world.  Forever?  Today Was A Fairytale?  Bleeding Love?  Overly mushy, locked away in an ivory tower, and just plain WHINY.  All these songs are the product of a minstrel who accompanies a knight who sweeps the curly blonde-haired damsel off her feet and rides off on a white horse into the sunset.  And they flutter just in front of you with gossamer wings built of perfection and idealism, but never within reach.  The way I see it, everything has to be flavored with a bit of cynicism and a hint of reality.  Even songs about relationships.  Because if they're not, how will you ever relate to them?  At the end of the day, I don't want a cheesefest of affection so sweet that it makes me vomit a little.  I don't want to be compared to Romeo and Juliet.  And I don't want anyone to grab my hand and "take me there" as if I'm some kind of five year-old (Honestly, Chris Brown, what is that even supposed to MEAN?)  I want something real.  I want something believable.  I want imperfection, with plenty of flaws.  Which is why even though hip-hop confuses me and inspires plenty of WTF moments, in its own way, it's perfect.


~*Heat*~